Hey
Woody!
I’m
getting
older
—
in
dog
years,
I’d
be
dead.
Fortunately,
my
taste
has
aged
along
with
my
fashion
sense,
so
guys
my
age
are
not
out
of
the
question.
But
every
now
and
again,
I
confess
to
trolling
the
twinky
bars
and
culling
the
herd.
Anyway,
as
a
tried-and-true
top,
I’ve
been
experimenting
with
being
a
bottom.
I
went
out
and
bought
myself
one
of
those
shower
douche
attachments,
but
now
I’m
a
bit
worried
that
I
might
damage
myself
and
wind
up
as
a
garden
fountain
at
a
garage
sale.
At
first,
I
could
barely
get
the
thing
in,
and
it’s
pathetically
small.
Now
I
finally
know
what
all
those
bottoms
were
screaming
about.
Thing
is,
after
some
practice,
I
can
slip
that
puppy
so
far
up
that
I
can
gargle
and
douche
at
the
same
time!
So
I’ve
been
douching
like
a
hooker
on
a
Sunday
morning
and
must
admit,
when
that
jet
hits
my
prostate,
it
feels
pretty
good.
So,
I’ve
been
turning
up
the
pressure.
Sure,
I
know
I
could
blow
my
insides
out
my
navel,
so
I
try
to
be
careful,
but
on
occasion
I
confess
that
the
local
fire
department
could
rent
me,
point
me
to
a
raging
fire
and
put
it
out
when
I
let
go!
Here’s
my
question:
Aside
from
turning
my
navel
into
a
drinking
fountain,
can
douching
too
much
do
any
harm
Dear
Fanny:
You
know
what
I
hate
about
e-mails
like
yours?
They’re
so
damn
funny
I
can’t
compete.
So,
let
me
give
it
to
you
straight:
The
only
way
too
much
douching
is
going
to
hurt
you
is
if
you’re
a
woman.
As
many
as
40
percent
of
women
who
douche
a
lot
get
vaginal
infections.
Wait,
did
I
just
say
“vaginal?”
Somebody
shoot
me.
At
any
rate,
douche
away.
Just
a
couple
of
precautions:
Only
use
water
—
no
chemicals
of
any
kind.
And
watch
out
that
you
don’t
create
a
voiding
dependency.
Your
body
might
get
so
used
to
douching
it
can’t
do
its
business
without
it.
That’s
why
I
gave
up
reading
the
National
Enquirer
on
the
toilet.
It
got
to
the
point
where
I
couldn’t
go
unless
I
read
about
Hilary
Swank’s
secret
penis.
As
far
as
the
water
pressure,
there
aren’t
a
whole
lot
of
pain
receptors
once
you
get
past
the
sphincter
area.
What
you
feel
is
pressure
not
pain,
so
it’s
possible
that
letting
the
attachment
go
cobra
could
do
some
damage
without
you
knowing
it
right
away.
I’d
ease
off.
Use
the
rule
of
common
sense.
If
you
turn
it
on
so
high
the
city
water
levels
dip,
dial
it
back.
The
last
thing
you
want
is
to
have
your
insides
declared
a
national
disaster,
qualify
for
FEMA
assistance
and
have
George
W.
Bush
look
at
your
sphincter
and
say,
“Heck
of
a
job,
Brownie.”
