LIKE
ANY
COLUMNIST,
I
get
my
share
of
angry
letters
from
people
who
disagree
with
my
point
of
view.
But
more
than
a
few
messages
contain
obscenity-laced
personal
attacks
that
are
disturbing
in
their
hateful
ferocity.
Because
I
have
a
thick
skin,
these
comments
never
have
their
intended
effect,
but
I
have
grown
weary
with
one
particular
aspect
of
the
criticism.
I
am
continually
perplexed
at
the
suggestion
that
I
am
"self-loathing."
Several
writers
have
compared
me
to
Jews
who
worked
for
the
Nazis
during
the
Third
Reich.
I
am
beginning
to
understand
that
the
term
is
code
meant
to
disparage
gays
who
are
conservative,
Republican
or
Christian.
The
implication
is
that
because
these
people
tend
to
regard
their
sexuality
as
a
private
matter
and
don't
make
it
the
focus
of
their
entire
existence,
they
suffer
from
internalized
homophobia.
Frankly,
I
surmise
that
the
accusation
is
a
projection
from
gays
whose
culture
is
replete
with
dissatisfaction
about
self-image.
I
TESTED
THIS
hypothesis
by
examining
the
recent
celebration
of
New
Year's
Eve.
In
the
gay
ghettos
of
most
major
cities,
revelers
could
grind
the
night
away
in
a
sea
of
shirtless,
drugged-out
narcissists
presided
over
by
an
overabundance
of
drag
queens
and
a
smattering
of
porn
stars
who
look
like
Tarzan
but
act
like
Jane.
For
those
who
get
a
headache
after
only
an
hour
of
the
incessant
beat
of
most
club
music
fare,
the
alternative
is
to
join
the
hygienically
challenged
crowd
at
local
bars.
There,
in
the
darkness
you
can
find
the
pierced,
tattooed,
leather-clad
pseudo-masculine
accountant-teacher-designer-bureaucrat
of
your
dreams.
All
you
have
to
decide
is
whether
you
want
to
be
on
the
giving
or
receiving
end
of
the
abuse,
pain
and
humiliation.
A
culture
symbolized
by
macho
caricatures
and
RuPaul
imitators
does
not
represent
happy,
self-satisfied
people.
Neither
does
a
culture
where
rampant
drug
abuse
and
irresponsible
sexual
behavior
have
deadly
consequences.
According
to
self-appointed
arbiters
of
all
things
gay,
it
is
those
who
reject
the
prevailing
gay
culture
who
are
"self-loathing."
But
to
which
group
does
that
term
really
apply:
people
who
hide
their
true
beings
behind
dresses,
makeup,
leather
harnesses
and
ass-less
chaps
or
those
who
resist
association
with
a
culture
that
doesn't
reflect
their
values?
The
vacuous
and
superficial
nature
of
gay
culture
makes
it
difficult
to
establish
and
maintain
long-term
monogamous
relationships.
Activists
will
claim
that
the
prohibition
of
gay
marriage
is
responsible
for
such
a
hedonistic
lifestyle,
but
that
is
a
weak
argument
since
most
often
what
prevents
the
formation
of
strong
interpersonal
bonds
is
the
shallow
basis
of
the
pairings,
usually
physical
appearance.
The
obsession
with
physical
appearance
in
the
gay
community
is
itself
driven
by
a
poor
self-image.
MANY
COMPLAIN
THAT
they
can't
find
a
suitable
partner
but
don't
realize
that
the
odds
of
finding
true
love
at
bars,
circuit
parties
and
internet
chat
rooms
is
small.
The
over-emphasis
on
sex
makes
and
the
lack
of
a
solid
social
infrastructure
dooms
most
gay
relationships
from
the
start.
Relationship-forming
is
further
complicated
by
the
easy
acceptance
of
promiscuity
and
a
refusal
to
put
even
a
single
moral
limit
on
behavior.
Unbridled
hedonism
manifests
itself
in
a
culture
that
is
devoid
of
standards
of
acceptable
conduct.
Instead
of
addressing
the
serious
business
of
creating
a
gay
culture
that
places
an
emphasis
on
self-worth
and
self-esteem,
self-appointed
gay
leaders
heap
abuse
on
those
who
reject
the
prevailing
mores
and
those
with
diverse
opinions
are
scorned
for
their
refusal
to
buy
into
a
failed
social
paradigm.
Projecting
your
own
misery
onto
those
who
would
dare
to
challenge
the
myth
that
all
is
well
in
gaydom
isn't
healthy
or
helpful.
Perhaps
it
would
be
better
to
direct
the
considerable
creative
energy
of
the
gay
community
at
solving
the
root
causes
of
its
own
self-destructive
nature
and
away
from
losing
issues
like
gay
marriage.
It's
hard
to
project
a
positive
image
to
the
rest
of
society
when
your
self-image
is
so
poor.
