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THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2008
 
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These are real bitches, sent in by real readers, about gay life's little annoyances, and the big ones, too. Got a bitch? Call 1-800-858-8088, use the Bitch Session form below, or email bitch@washblade.com





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Life's too short not to bitch! Let it all out, honey.

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BITCH SESSION

Bitch Session
Gay people escape the conformity of the straight world only to find it’s much worse in the gay world!


Friday, July 23, 2004

I read in the Post that Rev. Lou Sheldon, the lunatic anti-gay creep who tells the Republican Party what to think, reads the Washington Blade with his stepford-esque creepy daughter. Hi Lou! Can’t get it on with your wife unless you warm up by looking at the hot male bods in the Blade, eh?

For all you queens who don’t know how to describe your body parts, here’s a lesson: You are a male. You do not have “titties,” you have nipples. If you go to a gym, you may even have pecs. Now you know.

Rice queens unite! I’m not fat, just a little fluffy. Old? I prefer mature. Aggressive is never right, but a little spice in the rice is nice.

Thank you to the two gorgeous, tall, muscular guys I just saw walking down the street holding hands. I think that was the greatest sight I ever saw. More please, more!

Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you, skinny bitch. Love don’t cost a thing!

To those who say that marriage and open relationships are incompatible: Who are you to define for everyone what marriage is or isn’t? We already have Bush to do that.

Why in the black gay scene is everyone so afraid to introduce themselves to someone new?

It’s so annoying to hear you say no one can tell you’re gay. You’re only fooling yourself, so acknowledge the fact you’re a flaming queen and move on.

Gay rights is not the same as civil rights. You can’t be an African American in the closet, now can you? Put on black face and go to a gay bar. Gay people don’t even treat gay people equal.

To the poz guy who wants respect: You took it up the ass bare, or you injected drugs, and you want me to respect you?

Repeat after me: HIV is a chronic illness, not a terminal disease. It’s NOT a death sentence.

Why would I want to date or have sex with you after I just watched you go down on four different guys in the dark corner of the bar?

Face it, aside from religious reasons (which I support and have no qualms with), circumcision has had its day.

I have nothing against uncircumcised gay men, but some of them need to pay more attention to their masculine freshness.

If you go into a strip bar, don’t sit there and stare at the dancers all night and not even give them a dollar. If you don’t like strippers, then why are you even there in the first place?

To you gay organists and choir members in anti-gay churches: Ain’t no reason you need to stay. Get thee to a good, pro-gay church and quit wasting your life!

I’m an all-American, patriotic guy who leans toward the conservative side. This seems to drive the foreign men into fits of the hotsies. I’m currently being stalked by five men from four continents. Help!

It’s disgusting to read about gay couples using the lack of legal recognition for our relationships as weapons in their child custody disputes.

Instead of promoting cross-cultural understanding, you idiots find it more entertaining to print racist statements, with no responsibility for gay youth reading about it. Did the staff get their degrees in journalism from KKK University?

Bitch Boy responds: Political correctness is so late 20th century. If you can handle real talk that might offend, then turn the page.

To the conservative Christian who says gay relationships are “a sad imitation of the true nature of men and woman”: We don’t need to imitate you. You’ve had 3,000 years and still screw up your marriages! So pay attention and you may learn how to get it right.

T-shirts never look good on anyone. I think they’re on their way out as a fashion statement. They are so pointless and grotesque.

“Down Low” folks, please get the courage to come out. Things will never change if you don’t.

Let’s get out there and whoop some straight ass!

As a person recently diagnosed with HIV, I have plenty to deal with without reading what some HIV-negative people say about how I’m going to look in 10 years or how I’m going to die. Don’t you dare put limits on my life before you live a day in my shoes. You could never know how hard it is to maintain a positive attitude in the face of something so scary.

Reproductive rights are important for all women, not just straight. A lesbian could need an abortion if she got raped. Very few lesbians get AIDS, yet many worked to help gay men during our crisis.

To all those bitching about gay marriage: If gays would develop a sense of maturity about relationships, then it probably wouldn’t be such a big issue. Treat it like a meat market, and that’s all it will ever be.

To the self-loathing, spark-plug shaped homosexual proudly wearing a “Bush-Cheney 2004” T-shirt at the gym: Seeing your smug display of ignorance encouraged me to ...

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